TT - Troubled Hearts NINE

Troubled Hearts
—The Convalescence—

It had been a few days since the excitement.  The real Starfire was finally back!  She had awakened like Raven had only three days prior.  However, she was different when she had awoken; much like Raven was.  The joint dream she had been in had altered her feelings.  While Starfire did not particularly wish to go back to that strange dream world, she also hadn’t wanted to leave it.  It was hard accepting that everything she had been through, everything she had felt, was fictional.

No, she knew what she had felt was real.  

Roy Harper.  He was a man unlike any other she had known.  He was kind and gentle and sweet.  She could tell he genuinely cared about her and her friends.  She had completely fallen for him.  And, because of him, she realized another truth.  

Starfire didn’t love Robin.  

While Robin and she had been slowly drifting apart, Starfire had doubts and fears.  Not only about their relationship, but about her place on the team.  On Earth even.  What was she really doing here?  Was she truly needed?  If not, what was keeping her here?  Her friends, surely.  But without Robin as close as before, it wasn’t quite the same.  She had felt attraction, companionship, and what she thought was love towards him.  She found she did not feel that way any longer.

Roy, however. . .

No, that was wrong.  The Roy she had come to know was indeed fiction.  She remembered what Robin had said to her. “This Roy Harper is nothing like the real one.”  The memory of that conversation replayed in her mind.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘real one’?”  She could barely form the words in any sort of logical manner.  It was just so mind-boggling.  Could there really be a Roy Harper back ‘home’?  Could her ‘one’ still be waiting for her?  Her mind and heart were conflicted.  Where did they stand really?  The possibility seemed lukewarm.  There were no absolutes.  It wasn’t hot, nor was it cold.  She couldn’t even tell if she wanted it to be one or the other.  It felt as if she was numb; not knowing what she was truly feeling at the time.

Dick could see her conflicted spirit.  He gently put his hand on her shoulder, alerting her to his presence once more.  “Roy Harper lives in Steel City.  You would know him as ‘Speedy’.”

“Roy is Speedy?” she asked skeptically.  How could these polar opposites be one and the same?  Roy was kind, wise, caring, and compassionate.  Speedy, on the other hand, was egotistical, narcissistic, and self-absorbed.  He didn’t seem to have the depth of personality that this Roy had, nor the beauty.  How could this possibly be?

She still found it hard to believe.  However, they did look similar.  That auburn hair, the creamy complexion, strong arms, the toned but not bulky body, and, most of all, his handsome facial features.  She could even imagine Speedy maskless, with beautiful hazel eyes smiling back at her.

No, that was wrong.  She had to stop this.  They were not the same person.

Breaking out of her melancholy thoughts, Starfire walked into the infirmary.  Cyborg, now recharged and rested, had been doing autopsies on Slade’s two deceased apprentices.  Terra and . . . herself.  Starfire had heard about how they both died at the time she had awoken in the real world.  This other her had killed Terra and then, well, self-destructed?  It was still unclear as to what had happened to her.  Cyborg had been working to try to find a reason.  Also, he wanted to know what they were.

Still, it had surprised her. She was Slade’s apprentice?  Well, it wasn’t really her.  However, no matter who she had or had not been, looking at a dead version of herself was disturbing to say the least.

“How is the autopsy going, Friend Cyborg?”  It felt so weird calling him that.

Cyborg, on the other hand, was startled.  He had been so engrossed in his work he hadn’t noticed the redhead come in.  He looked at her walk in and was saddened by the fact that she still could not find enough joy to fly.  “Well, it’s comin’ alright.  I’ll need another blood sample, Star, when you get a chance.”

“Certainly,” she complied with a smile.  However, it didn’t take an empath to know it was forced.

“Star?” Cyborg asked hesitantly as he put down his surgical instruments.  Starfire nodded in acknowledgment.  “What exactly happened to you, ya know, in the joint dream?”

Starfire stood there silently for a few moments before rolling over a stool to sit on.  It had been a few days, yes, but she was still recovering her strength.  Any form of physical exertion, no matter how small, was draining.  Now seated facing Cyborg, Starfire tried to form her thoughts, her memories, her feelings, into words.

“Well, Friend Cyborg.  Many things have occurred in that time.  I do not wish to repeat anything you may have previously heard.  May I ask what Friend Raven has spoken to you about?”

“Frankly, Star, she’s told me practically nothing.  Just that,” Cyborg massaged his temple with his cybernetic appendages, “she fell in love.”  He dropped his hand from his forehead with a defeated sigh.

“Yes, with Friend Robin.  I am aware,” Starfire affirmed his claim with a neutral expression.  One Cyborg did not think sweet, passionate Starfire would ever have when discussing Robin.  

“You . . . knew?”

“Yes.  I saw it happen.  It was gradual, but once it started all I could do was watch.  This also made me realize something.  True, I was attached to Robin, but it was not love.  In fact, I fell in love myself.”  Starfire gave a bittersweet smile at the thought of her love.

“Okay.  This doesn’t sound that bad so far.”  Cyborg could tell there were many emotions behind that insipid smile.  It wasn’t like Starfire to bundle all her emotions up.  She was a very passionate personal who thrived on emotion.  What could have possible transpired that warped the sweet, loving Starfire into the melancholy individual in front of him?  “Who was he?”

“It was a man named Roy.  He was very kind and compassionate towards me.  I suppose the term is ‘hitting it on’ right away?”

“Um,” Cyborg sweat-dropped, “I believe you mean, you ‘hit it off’ right away.”

“Yes, I do suppose that makes more sense.  Still, I confided in him my thoughts, my worries, my loneliness.  And he gave me the most wonderful answer.  As long as I have my friends at my side, I am never alone.  It gave me hope again.”  The corners of her lips tugged upwards a little bit, making her seem not as lonely.  Even her eyes had more gleam to them as she discussed this person who was so dear to her.

“But what happened?”

“It wasn’t real.”  She shook her head splaying her vibrant scarlet hair around her.  “None of it was.  Robin told me that, but I did not want to believe it.  I found I could not.”  Starfire seemed confused; almost torn between two different possibilities.  “It was as if I had belonged in that world.  I cannot say it was perfect or even an ideal situation.  Being in that world, watching Friends Robin and Raven draw closer, was painful.  But still, something about that world made me want to stay.  I did not have any desire to come back.  None of us did,” Starfire admitted, lost in the dream; her eyes became unfocused and hazy.  

“So Robin was also aware of the situation?”  This was news to Cyborg.  Were they aware within the realms of the dream?

“Yes.  We all had civilian counterparts.  Even you.”  Cyborg looked surprised at her revelation.  “One at a time, we ‘woke up’ into the world they called ‘Reality’.”

“So you all saw each other?”  The question was vital.  Was this truly a joint dream?  Was Cyborg’s hypothesis correct or were they back to the drawing board?  Raven had been more closed up than Cyborg wanted.  But, of course, this was Raven and Cyborg knew she was still recovering and needed time to sort everything out.  Still, the more knowledge they had about the other side, the more power they would have to undo the effects.  

Or so he hoped.

“Correct.  Raven, myself, then Beast Boy, and eventually Robin.  We were all there.  We awoke to that bittersweet world one-by-one.”  Starfire’s brow furrowed as she remembered something odd and confusing.  “Still, one thing perplexes me.  For some unidentifiable reason, Terra was already there.”

“Wait, Terra was there too?!” Cyborg exclaimed.  That was hard to believe.  What did it mean?

“Yes.  She was.  In fact, she had confided in me about the dreams she had.  The rest of us did not have any.  But, then again, she had been there for almost one year,” Starfire confessed.

“A little less than a year ago we found that her statue was gone.  Disappeared.”  Cyborg shook his head as he tried to wrap his mind around this new piece of information.  What did all this mean?

“Yes.  It is strange.  She told us that she saw Slade.  He told her ‘Sweet dreams, dear apprentice’.  Then he . . . injected something into her?   And then she was there.  That was all she remembered.”

“That’s enough, Star.  Thank you.”  He gave her a tired smile.  “I believe we might be one step closer to solving this mystery.”

“I will give you a sample of my blood now.”  Starfire stood up and walked over to where they kept the blood work equipment.

“Thanks.”

—

“Friend Raven?”  Starfire approached her friend who was currently meditating by the semicircle couch in their unusually quiet living room.  The room was so lifeless, it was eerie.  When would these rooms, these halls, feel normal?  

Raven stirred at the sound of her teammate’s voice.  “Yes, Starfire?  What is it?”  She rearranged her cloak and ceased to levitate so Starfire could easily sit next to her.

Realizing the gesture for what it was—an invitation—Starfire readily went to sit down next to her.  Still, each quick movement was hard and tiring.  She found it took her several seconds to reach Raven and then another moment to find a comfortable sitting position.

“What’s on your mind?” Raven inquired.  She had only been ‘back’ a few days, but the adjustment had been hard.  It still was.  However, she could see that Starfire needed to talk.  Perhaps vent if it came to that.  She needed to sort out her feelings and experiences.  She needed someone to listen to her.  

So, Starfire took Raven’s invitation to talk things out.  “My friend,” she started as she took a brief look around them, “It seems to have been such a long time since we have last sat in this room.  Of course, we had the boys with us at that time.”  Starfire gave a sad smile and Raven almost winced as her redheaded teammate’s melancholy flowed into her through her empathy.  “I fear that things will never go back to normal. I,” Starfire held a passionate hand to her heart, “do not feel ‘normal’.  And I . . . I am afraid I do not even know what to think, to feel.  Why?”

Raven could feel the confusion and sadness emanating from her friend.  Raven had suffered from such negative emotions herself.  She still felt like there were no real answers.  Why?  Why did they have to be put through that?  What was the master plan behind all of this madness?

“Tell me, Friend Raven.  Why did he have to be fake?”  Raven was surprised to see a tear followed by another slip down Starfire’s cheeks.  

What was Raven supposed to say to that?  She was never one good at comfort; at saying the right thing at the right time.

“Star, you are, um, you have always felt more than a person like me ever could.  I am sure the emotions you experienced were more enhanced than mine.  But . . .” Raven looked out the large window at the waves cresting and crashing in the bay, “I can imagine how you feel in that instance.”

Starfire sniffled twice as she tried to calm down.  “You mean about Friend Robin?”

Raven shook her head and looked back at her teammate.  “No, I mean about Dick.”  Starfire eyes widened.  What did Raven mean by that?  “I mean, Dick and Robin were the same person and yet . . . they weren’t.  I could sense some of the qualities I admired about Robin in his counterpart Dick.  But they were still so different.  I do admit I grew to love Dick as time went on.  I could tell he genuinely cared about me and wanted to be with me.  Still, no matter how much I want it to be, that wasn’t Robin.”

Starfire gently placed her hand on Raven’s shoulder in attempt to reassure her. How funny, Raven thought, I am the one supposed to be comforting her.  

She continued, “I mean, I don’t even know how Robin feels about me.  Will he ever look at me the way Dick did?  Will he want to be with me when he wakes up?  But I know he will wake up, Star.  He has to.  Until that time comes, I’ll just have to think and try to understand how I feel.  It is confusing.  However, that makes me wonder, will the joint dream alter him too?”

Starfire looked down at the floor space between the two of them.  She inhaled and exhaled deeply.  “I understand.  Truly I do.  The Roy I knew is also unlike the real one.”

“Wait, what?”  Raven blinked a few times trying to register that sentence.  “You mean, Roy is in this world too?”

“Oh, did I not inform you?”  She uttered an apology.  “Roy Harper is actually Speedy.”

“Speedy?”  To say Raven was surprised would be an understatement.  She wasn’t sure how to take in this information.  True, she could see they had many physical traits in common.  But that was where the similarities ended.

“Indeed,” Starfire affirmed.  “I do not know how to feel about this revelation.  Tell me, did you want to come ‘back’?”

Raven sat there for several moments, mulling over that.  Had she really wanted to leave that bittersweet fantasy?  “No, I did not.  Even when things were unbearable, I never felt the urge to leave and come back to our world.  The thought never really crossed my mind.  Almost like I felt it wasn’t even an possibility.  Especially as time went on.”

“I felt the same way.  Although it was hard watching you and Friend Ro– I mean Dick, getting closer, I never thought of going home.  I wonder, why were we so possessed by that world?  Were our friends the same way?”

“I wonder if we just succumbed to what we thought was our fate,” Raven looked at her hands resting on her lap.  She clenched her fist as she strengthened her resolve.  She looked Starfire in the eye.  “Are you going to let go and forget Roy?  Do you regret this?”

Starfire tapped her finger on her chin.  “I do not regret this experience and I will not forget it.  Perhaps . . . it was for the best.”

“What do you mean?” Raven inquired.

“If it made me let go of Robin before things fell apart completely, I do not regret it.  In fact, I am most thankful.  I would rather let go of him while there was still warmth between us than having a broken heart when he decided you were his ‘one’.”

Raven blushed at her implication.  Did Robin really feel that way about her?  Surely Starfire was wrong.  She could remember Robin and Starfire always having feelings or at least attraction for each other.  Raven could feel it through her empathy.  However . . .

What had Cyborg said when she had woken up in the infirmary nearly a week ago?

“I know you love him.”  Cyborg told her after a few moments of relative silence.  The only sounds were the blips of the heart rate monitors and other various machines.  “I’ve known that for a long time.  Maybe this was a good experience if it helped you realize your feelings.”

And then . . .

“To tell the truth, Rae,” Cyborg told her as he patted her shoulder, “I’m not so sure he loves Starfire.  Sure she’s pretty and sweet.  But she’s not the kind of person he would want to spend a lifetime with.  He’s not all happy and innocent like she is.”  He gave that a moment to sink in.  “However, he’s a lot like you.”

“Star?  What makes you think he loves me?”

Starfire smiled; the caring sister shining through, “I don’t think; I know.  Surely a talented empath such as yourself can detect the difference between ‘like’ and ‘love’.”

Raven tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, for once feeling anxious. Does he truly love me back?  “Starfire, I—”  The speaker overhead turned on, Cyborg’s bass reaching the two girls’ ears clearly.

“Star, Rae.  I need you in the infirmary right now.  I found something in the autopsy you need to see.”

—

Slade drummed his gloved fingers against the metallic control board he was sitting before.  The tap, tap, tap echoed in the laboratory he was currently in.  “Two apprentices have failed me.” Tap, tap, tap, tap.  “Both of which have left considerable evidence behind.” Tap, tap, tap, bang!  Slade’s fist slammed down on the control board, smashing part of it in.  Sparks flew as various buttons and keys were flung in all directions, leaving wires exposed.

Slade swivelled his chair to look at the youth on bent knee before him.  His single eye narrowed to a slit as he considered the teenage boy before him.  “I will not tolerate a third.”

“I understand, my Master.  Do not worry, for I will complete the mission.  And, of course, I will also clean up any mess my predecessors have left behind.”  He gave a sadistic grin as he likely thought of the pain and misery he would inflict on his unfortunate foes.

“Go then, boy. And do not fail me.”  

—Fin—