TT - Troubled Mind EIGHT

Troubled Mind
Claire Promazine

It was early in the morning, but Rachel didn't care.  She was always up by six in the morning and today was no exception.  She felt a little bit better now that the Tara and Gar relationship had been eased if not mended.  The whole house wasn't as tense as before and she was grateful for it.  Perhaps she felt a little too good.  She knew she should be trying to control her emotions, but that didn't stop her from doing what she had always wanted to do.  Besides, in this world, she could freely embrace her emotions, so why not?

She walked over to the CD player on the far side of her bedroom and turned it on.  Immediately a dance song came on.  She wouldn't have picked anything else.  It was a perfect way to use up her giddy happiness and then resume the rest of the day as if nothing had ever taken place.

It started with Christina Milian singing with no accompanying music.

"Somebody hit the lights, so we can rock it day and night,
People gettin' down, that's right, from AM to PM.Everybody lookin' like stars, all the chicks and the fellas in the bars,
All y'all bumpin' this in your cars, from AM to PM"

The dance music started with a great beat and she found herself swaying along with the music.  As the beat started picking up, she started bouncing to the music and rocking her shoulders.  She really hadn't had any dancing experience before because her abilities would have released a bunch of negative energy and destroyed the objects around her.  But this was different.  Her abilities no longer haunted her and pulled her away from feeling emotions.

"Everybody wanna get down when you hear the sound and you bump the beat.
Three sixty-five days a year, twenty-four a day, seven days a week.
Now when you're driving in your four by four and you turn this up on your
stereo,
Whether night or day, non-stop you'll play, and you knowin' you still want more."

Dick walked into his bedroom entrance to gather some clothes to change into since he was no longer sleeping in his room.  Instead of going any farther, he haunted the doorway to take in this rare sight.  She was dancing.  His Rachel was dancing!  He continued to watch with amusement as she danced.  He hadn't seen her this relaxed since she had 'woken up'.  It was a pleasant change of scenery.

"So find a honey that's standing on the wall, all the girls get the guys on the
flo'.
From the front to the back let's go, hear this. Whoo!"

He knew she would rather die than have this secret spilled and wondered how she would feel if she knew he was watching her private moment.  Yet he couldn't just stand and watch anymore.  After a moment, he realized seeing her dance like that by herself was hard to bear.  All he could think about was the loneliness she must be experiencing by dancing alone.  He wanted to remedy that loneliness by any means he could.  However, simple equations generally had simple solutions.  He walked to the beat of the music into the room all the way and, in one smooth movement, slid his hand across her waist and started dancing next to her.

"Somebody hit the lights, so we can rock it day and night,
People gettin' down, that's right, from AM to PM.
Everybody lookin' like stars, all the chicks and the fellas in the bars,
All y'all bumpin' this in your cars, from AM to PM"

She paused mid-step as soon as she felt his hand slip across her back at her waistline.  He had only done that to grab her attention and move in front of her without alarming her too much.  But she was caught.  Her private moment was interrupted and she blushed in embarrassment.  She had inhaled in order to say something, but even with her mouth  wide open, he cut her off before she could utter a single word.  "C'mon, dance."  He said nonchalantly as he took her hand and twirled her in rhythm to the song.  "Yeah, just like that."  He smiled that charismatic smile at her and she couldn't help smiling back.  She started dancing and he moved closer to her.  It was closer than she normally would have allowed anyone near her.  However, this man . . . with that smile . . . might just be the only exception.

"Everybody in the club c'mon keep bobbin' your head now to this song.
You got the beats and breaks and your body shake, and we're doin' it all night
long.
Any time or place, any place or time, no we don't need no sleep.
Three sixty-five days a year, twenty-four a day, seven days a week."

She was dancing freely.  She did the twist and he followed.  Whatever dance move she did he would compliment it as he improvised.  Soon she had relaxed so much that she could dance however she wanted next to him.  Correction: make that dancing so close she couldn't help the occasional touch. She soon found out she didn't mind so much. In fact, she hoped the song would never end.

"So find a honey that's standing on the wall, all the girls get the guys on the
flo'.
From the front to the back let's go, hear this. Whoo!"

Dick did things like the sprinkler, the lawnmower, and the shopping cart to make her laugh during one of the last verses of chorus.  And then their dance was over.  They were both breathing a little fast from the previous exertion, but they didn't want to move away so soon.  In fact, despite their instinctual urge to demand personal space be un-invaded, they drew closer.  Dick's face seemed to gravitate towards his wife's.  Before she knew what she was doing, she lowered her eyelids and he did the same.  Slowly but surely, he went all the way and tenderly placed his lips on her own in a chaste yet meaningful kiss.  It was Rachel's first mutually-consented kiss.  However, she wouldn't have given it to any other man.  He was growing on her unlike anyone else ever had.  And she was eager and scared to find out how far their relationship would go.

He reluctantly pulled back and saw her cheeks were slightly flushed.  Maybe he went too far. . . but then again, maybe not.  She hadn't pulled away.  Instead, she had silently consented.  She opened her eyes and blinked a couple times.  She looked down a moment before meeting his gaze with a shy smile tugging at her lips.  "Coffee?"  He asked her.  It was still early morning after all.  She found herself agreeing before she thought better of it.  But then again, how could she resist that smirk?

—

"Here ya go.  Coffee, sugar, and french vanilla creamer."  Dick handed the items to her.  As much as she hated to admit it, Rachel had gotten used to her coffee routine.  There never was any tea in the house, but now she didn't mind.  Coffee was addicting!  

As she mixed the proper proportions, she felt him looking at her above his own mug of coffee.  She looked up into his eyes but, even though he noticed her looking at him, he did not shift his gaze.  By all means it should've made her feel uncomfortable, but it gave her a warm feeling instead.  She finally placed the mug to her lips to take a sip and broke their stare.

Eventually, she placed her coffee mug down and asked the question that had been bugging her.  She didn't know what his answer would be or if she should even ask it at all.  But, she decided to take the plunge anyway.  "Why'd you kiss me?"

He raised a brow at her question.  "Am I not allowed to kiss my wife?"  He asked her and she absolutely had no idea what to say to that.  She merely looked down at her ring-less hand.  She had felt hesitant to (technically) wear someone else's wedding band, but they had come to terms with each other more than she had ever dreamed. Well, maybe I could wear it.  Just once.

Just before she could say anything else, his cell phone rang.  He immediately recognized the personalized ringtone.  He knew who it was.  He sighed. "Sorry, I gotta take this."  He said and flipped open his cell phone.  "Hello."  He said very businesslike and Rachel heard a deep voice on the other line but could not understand anything the man was saying.  "Yes.  I have time."  Dick smiled in apology to her and walked towards the stairs to go to their bedroom.  Apparently it was a private call.  

However, Rachel shrugged it off.  It wasn't her business who he talked to on the phone.  In fact, she had other more pleasant things to think about.  Like what would happen if he saw her wear her ring.  Would he smile?  Would he kiss her again?  She didn't know, but she wanted to find out.  But she couldn't now.  He was in their room right now and she had some very addicting coffee calling her name.  She smiled.

—

"Gah!"  Everyone else woke up to that rather loud exclamation at six-thirty in the morning.  It was uncharacteristic for anyone to be up at that ungodly hour during a break (other than the two early birds), nonetheless shouting.  Vic ended up in the room first looking rather annoyed at being awoken so abruptly so early.

"Gar, it's six-thirty in the morning.  What on earth—" Vic stopped short at the sight of his best friend panicking and looking terrified at his hands as he turned them over back and forth.  He did not seem to notice the older man in the room from being so transfixed at the horror of his pale skin.  "Oh, you've got to be kidding me. . ."  Vic said as he had a premonition of what was happening.

"My skin. . .  It's not green."  Gar said unbelievingly.  He pictured a turtle in his mind but nothing happened.  "And I can't change.  What happened to me?"  He heard a groan and looked at a black man a little older than him that looked awfully familiar.  But at the moment he couldn't care less who the man was.  "Where am I?  I'm not in the tower."

"Not you, too, Gar."

"How do you know my real name?"  Gar asked in bewilderment.  "Where am I?"  A girl with blonde hair slowly walked in yawning with a tall redhead in tow.  However, Gar only had eyes for the girl standing before him in the doorway."Terra?"  If he didn't believe what happened to his body, he certainly couldn't fathom seeing her.  The one girl in the world he could and would ever love.  She still looked beautiful even though she had a bedhead and her pajama shirt was a little disheveled from sleep.

Tara noticed the difference in behavior and looks in the boy she had only come to terms with the day previous.  This wasn't him.  "Beast Boy?"  She finally asked.  No, it couldn't be. . . could it?

"Terra, is it really you?"  She nodded in confirmation. "I knew you were alive!  I never doubted for a moment you would come back.  And then when I saw your statue was gone in the cave and then I saw you at your school and you didn't remember anything and I thought I had lost you. . ."  Gar paused from his rambling for a moment as he collected his thoughts.  He hadn't remembered ever being this happy or this relieved before.  "Is this where you've been?"  He finally asked.

"It's really you!"  Tara erupted in a smile   After imagining this boy rescuing her from this once strange world for so long, she could barely comprehend the implications of him being here.  Throwing caution to the wind, she crossed the rest of the room and enveloped the confused boy in a bear hug.

Vic however looked at the scene before him, but was not touched.  "Oh, dear God. It's catching." He said.  He might have accepted the three girls, but Gar?  His best friend?  One by one something else was taking hold of their lives.  But what was it?  And would he be the next one to lose his mind?

After a moment of genuine bliss and at first disbelief, Terra let him go and he looked at his surroundings.  "Where is here?"  He asked in bewilderment.  He knew he was in a bedroom, but it wasn't his.  Sure, it was messy enough to pass, but he knew he had fallen asleep in the tower.  Right?  Actually, his memory was a little fuzzy about that. . .  Why?

To answer his question, Kori stepped forward and took her turn to embrace the boy. "You are in reality, Friend Beast Boy!"  She announced and, as confusing as that statement was, Gar had something totally different on his mind.

He didn't have time to question her remark.  Instead, he was too baffled by the fact that she was standing in front of him comprehending everything. "Star?  Is that you?"  Gar asked her.  Yeah, nothing was making sense to him.  Was he dreaming or something?

"It is."  Kori confirmed with a wide smile.

"But you're not all crazy. . ."  He paused as he considered what this meant.  "Am I crazy?"  He gestured towards himself as he almost started to panic.  Had he gone bonkers?  Was that why everything made no sense?

"Beast Boy, explain.  What do you mean 'you're not all crazy'?"  Tara asked concerned.  What in the world was going on?

There was a voice heading down the hall.  "Yes, sir."  Dick said as he walked into the doorway where he heard other voices.  "Yes. Uh-huh."  He paused as he listened to the man on the other side of the line.  He only had time to raise his left eyebrow as he looked on the unfolding scene before him.  Vic looked distressed.  Tara looked concerned.  Kori looked worried.  And Gar looked like he was freaking out.  What was going on in there?

And then he heard what Gar was saying.  "Well, last thing I remember before I fell asleep, or, at least I think I fell asleep, was Star–" Star?  Dick thought frantically. Oh, no.  Not now.  Dick cut off the man on the other line suddenly.  "Um, I have to go.  I'll see you later."  He said in a rush and hung up without even allowing the other man to say 'bye'.

"–flipping out or something."  Gar continued.  "I don't remember much about what happened before that, but–" Dick walked into the room and Gar stopped talking as his eyes practically bulged out of their sockets.  "Dude!  You're not even wearing shades."

"I'm indoors."  Dick said flatly.

"But still!"  Gar exclaimed in a very un-Gar-ish manner.  He was like a totally different person.  And maybe he was.  "I never knew you had any fashion sense.  You usually look like a walking traffic light."  If it hadn't been for the very solemn manner of the conversation, Tara would've giggled.  In this situation, however, she decided she should keep her mouth shut.

"Don't change the subject."  Dick sighed and moved a hand through his jet-black hair.  "This is just great."  He said sarcastically.  "I have another really important visitor coming and this happens!"

"Wait.  Who's coming?"  Vic asked in attempt to focus on anything other than the mind boggling and frustrating situation in front of them.  Dick looked really stressed out which only caused Vic to be more concerned.  Who could this mysterious visitor be?

"Bruce Wayne, my foster father."  Dick answered gravely.  "He said he wanted to check on our progress before the new semester started.  After all, he's paying for most of the rent while we're in college.  I couldn't say no."  He said solemnly.

"When?"  Vic asked almost scared.  What would he say if he found the four of them. . . like this?  He had no idea.  Maybe he didn't want to know.

"He'll be here for lunch."  He said defeated and shook his head.  He just couldn't believe his luck.  Or rather lack of it.  How in the world was he supposed to explain this situation?

—

Six hours later, Kori, Tara, and Vic had decided to take Gar on a long tour of the park for lunch.  Dick had expressed a desire to be alone with his foster father and Rachel, and the other four wouldn't have had it any other way.  They were relieved they didn't have to be there when this authoritative figure would be hovering around the house.  They felt for Rachel who had never liked to be put on display.  However, she was intrigued by this person.  She knew Dick and him didn't get along as well as they'd like, but she knew that the other Rachel and him had been close.  Dick had hinted that when they were looking through their wedding albums.  That also led to a dangerous situation, though.  If Bruce Wayne knew Rachel well, would he be able to figure out what was going on?

Dick had decided to take some high-quality sushi and sashimi to go from a family owned Japanese restaurant nearby.  Dick knew his foster father liked it and Rachel had insisted that she learned how to use chopsticks when she went to Tokyo.  For the moment, he chose to believe her even though he knew she had never been to any Asian country.  She had surprised him before and he didn't doubt she would in the future.

So, the time had come when they were finishing their meal and actually had to have a discussion.  Rachel had gotten up to put their dishes in the dishwasher when Bruce had brought up a very disturbing conversation.  "You're both acting a little strangely."  He told them and Rachel was glad he couldn't see her face freeze.  "I know you're hiding something from me."

Rachel spoke before she thought better of it and immediately regretted doing so.  "H–hiding something?"  She stuttered. Smooth, Rachel.  Smooth.  Now he'll never think anything's up.  She thought sarcastically.

"You can't lie to me.  Not successfully, anyway."  Bruce Wayne said without a hint of a smile.  Instead, he was stern-faced and dangerously grave.  Rachel, who had never been scared of anything before, suddenly felt nervous.

Dick obviously felt the same nervousness as Rachel. But decided to play dumb and possibly smooth things over.  "What could we possibly have to hide?'  He asked and hoped it wouldn't make them sound even more guilty.

"I have an idea of what it is."  Bruce Wayne said as he narrowed his eyes.

"You . . . do?"  Rachel asked she and Dick exchanged worried looks.  This did not go unnoticed by Bruce Wayne.  On the contrary, it only confirmed his suspicions.

"It's all about you, Rachel, isn't it?"  Rachel gulped and prepared for the worst.  He obviously knew everything.  Is that why he was so stern?  "You're secret's out, Rachel."  Bruce said, but that strictness vanished instantaneously.  Rachel panicked. "I can't believe it!  I'll finally have a grandchild to spoil."  

Rachel looked at him in disbelief as Dick mentally smacked himself.  "Pardon?"  She asked as she tried to process the words he had uttered. Does he mean what I think he means?

Bruce took the signs of her disbelief as she did not want to be found out yet.  "You're pregnant, right?"  He asked and Rachel about died from embarrassment and shock.

"No, no I couldn't be."  Rachel denied, but started to have second thoughts. Could I really?  No, that's impossible.  Dick would've told me, right?  Right?!

"Well, we'll just have to work on fixing that." Rachel blushed madly as she once again thought of what that implied.  Bruce Wayne walked over to Rachel and took her hand in his.  "I'm getting old, Rae, and I want to see my grandchildren before I die.  Do an old man a favor and please grant my request."

"I'll definitely think about it.  Now I should discuss this with my husband."  She made eye contact with Dick for a moment before he gestured her to go outside on the back porch.  Bruce nodded and let go of her hand.

As soon as they arrived at the back porch and closed the door securely, Dick began to speak.  "I'm sorry about that scene before.  He feels like he has to dictate our lives as well as everyone else's.  And that includes our love lives.  Don't worry; I'll never force you."  He reassured her.

"That's not the reason I brought you out here."  Dick raised his eyebrow in inquisition.  What else would she want to know?  He wondered and she continued.  "I wanted to know whether or not there is a chance I'm pregnant."

Dick blushed.  

Rachel didn't take this as a good sign.  "Is there?"  She crossed her arms against her chest and demanded an answer.

Dick rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.  "Well, it's not exactly the kind of topic I like to start conversations with."  He said, but she just looked at him.  He wouldn't look her in the eyes at first.  "Have you had your period lately?"  He asked when he looked up again at her face.  She felt the ground begin to crumble beneath her feet.  However, she was determined not to give in to despair until she had a definite answer.

"You're evading the topic."  She said as she stared him down.  "It's a yes or no question."  She swallowed as she awaited his reply.

Dick looked down again.  This time he was twiddling his thumbs.  "Well, we were trying, so I guess there is always a chance of it happening."  He shrugged his shoulders as if what he said wasn't a loaded topic.  However, they both knew that was not the case.

Dick was hoping she would leave the topic alone after his statement.  He was wrong.  "When?"  She insisted on knowing.

Dick sighed.  "Do you really have to know, Rae?"  He really didn't want to be discussing this.  Especially when Bruce Wayne was waiting inside for them to reappear.  For all he knew, his foster father could be listening in on their conversation.  

"Yes.  It's my body.  When?"  Once again, she had to know.  It was distressing her and her husband noticed.  

Dick finally decided to give in and told her.  "About a week before you woke up.  I don't know when you're supposed to have your period, but I don't think you have to worry.  We've been trying for a couple months now and haven't had any success."

"Okay."  Rachel said as she relaxed.  "Thank you for being honest."  She said and gave a weak smile.  Now it was time to go inside and face another awkward situation.  They just hoped he would take a hint and leave soon.  Who knew when Gar and the others would be back?  What would Bruce say about their odd behavior then?  

They were fine though.  Bruce Wayne was not a stupid man.  He knew when he had overstayed his welcome.  As diplomatically as possible he excused himself, but not without first asking Rachel to think about his request.  She had blushed and looked uncomfortable again, but had managed to say goodbye looking relatively unflustered.  And, like that, the dreaded visit was over.

—

"I think I owe you something to make up for that horrible scene with Bruce."  Dick sighed again.  He felt like he had done nothing other than that all day.  "He just doesn't know when to shut up. . ."  He looked like he was royally perturbed at his foster father.  He was just glad that after that embarrassing situation, their relationship had gone back to as normal and relaxed as it could get.

Rachel smiled.  It was only evening, but she had seemed to forget all the tension from earlier. "So what are you suggesting, Mr. Grayson?"  He chuckled at the way she worded that.

"Well, Mrs. Grayson," she smiled at that, "I propose a movie night."  He said and she seemed to be pondering over the possibilities which would ensue, but the truth is she had made up her mind as soon as he had mentioned it.

"A movie?"  She asked and he nodded in confirmation.  "Which one?"  She tried not to sound too eager.  She had been enjoying her time with this alternate version of Robin more than she could or would ever say.  Did she want to go back to her own world?  As much as she hated to say it, the answer was slowly but steadily becoming a no.  Why would she when she could feel among other things?

He smiled with roguish charm.  "Northanger Abbey."  She raised her eyebrow so he explained.  "It's based off a Jane Austen novel.  It's about a girl who reads too many gothic romance novels and the trouble her overactive imagination gets her into."

"Sounds interesting enough."  She said placidly but he could see right through it.  She was interested.  But whether it was because of the actual movie or watching it with him not even she could decipher.  Perhaps she didn't want to.

He made eye contact with her.  "You've always loved Mr. Tilney."  He cocked his head to the side with that grin she couldn't resist.

"Have I now?"  She asked as she started flirting with him.  She didn't think she had ever flirted before, but she didn't ever want to stop.

He never once broke their mutual gaze.  "Oh, absolutely."  He told her.  "You fall in love with him every time."  He smirked and a smile tugged at her lips, as well.  But, after a moment, he motioned for her to sit on the couch as he popped the movie in the DVD player.  He sat back on the couch next to her and pushed play.  

The movie about a girl named Katherine Morland, or Kathy, who indeed read too many gothic romance novels.  At the age of eighteen she was invited to go to Bath with her parents' wealthy friends Mr. and Mrs. Allen.  She went and made friends, including that of a young man named Henry Tilney whom she quite literally bumped into (or rather, he bumped into her) at a party.  They talked and danced and shared more than one moment together.  As the night had unfolded for Kathy and Mr. Tilney, Rachel almost shyly moved her hand it reached its desired destination: his hand.  Dick did not seem to object.  Instead, he curled his fingers around hers.

The movie moved forward.  Kathy and Mr. Tilney had grown closer and she had been invited to his home in Northanger Abbey to stay for a time.  They did many things together with Eleanor Tilney, Henry's sister.  But it was just the two of them going horseback riding.  As they rode out, it naturally started to rain.  They raced back to Northanger Abbey, getting muddy in the process.  

When they finally arrived, Henry helped Kathy down from off the horse and saw the drops of mud on her face.  He tried to wipe it off with his fingers with his thumbs.  However, he did not necessarily have to cup her cheeks to do so.  Kathy seemed to misinterpret this and thought of it as a show of affection. . . and perhaps it was.  At the heart-warming scene, Rachel slipped her arm through his and laid her head on his shoulder.  Would she and Dick ever be like that?

As the credits rolled, Dick noticed Rachel had been so relaxed with her head on his shoulder, she had fallen asleep.  He smiled in affection.  He didn't want to wake her, so he gently maneuvered her on the couch so they were both lying on the couch.  Rachel murmured as he laid her head on his chest, but did not wake completely.  She felt comfortable and warm in his arms.  He did not have an objection to the situation.

Dick closed his eyes and soon thereafter went to sleep with his wife in his arms.

—

Dick woke up the next morning with Rachel in his arms.  He was lying on a couch that he did not recognize.  He stiffened.  A girl was in his arms.  He almost immediately recognized her as Raven.  "Oh, God.  Am I dreaming?"  He said too loudly, waking Rachel up.

Rachel opened her eyes and leaned up so she could see his face.  She was stiff from sleeping on a couch and was in an awkward position, so she didn't sit up. "What are you rambling about, Dick?"  She asked him and he rolled her over so she was lying on the couch as he sat up.

He fingered near his eyes. "Raven, where is my mask?"  He asked her as he tried not to panic.  He stood up and faced her.

She sat up in confusion.  "What do you mean 'Raven'?  How did you—" she paused.  "Oh, no."  She realized what had happened as much as she didn't wan to.  "Robin?"  He didn't answer her.

Now he was panicking.  "Raven, I've got to wake up."  He said as he grabbed hold of her shoulders.  "We have to wake up!"  He finally started to shake them and none too gently.  "Wake up!"  She blinked once.  And then she disappeared.